It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
