You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
