what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
