you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
