yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Are we in a gay sports bar?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
