Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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