you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
