Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
