I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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