It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
