hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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