We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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