You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
