Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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