Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
