I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
