I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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