i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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