Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
