Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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