Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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