Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
