her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Soap is not a condiment
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
