things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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