nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
