Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize