Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
