The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
