I didn't shave. On purpose
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
