I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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