pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
