I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
