I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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