Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found puke in my bra..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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