so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
