beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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