I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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