I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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