dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
