every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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