You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
