Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
