I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
