His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
