we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
