dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
