Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
