i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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