I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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