Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
