Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
