just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
