whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
