More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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