So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
