I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
