Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
