just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
