Only a mothe r could love this liver
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
