I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
