my mouth tastes like poor choices
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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