Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
