we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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