he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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