i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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