i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just invented taco cereal.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
