There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
