My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
