just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Text me some of your sweat
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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